Maureen Agatha's Dash

Mom was not herself today. When I was our on the lobby I could hear her yelling "where's my baby" I'm glad I was there but she didn't want me to leave and was very confused. So I talked to Nicole and  Selena and asked for urinalysis to check for UTI and called nurse Teresa from Cornerstone.

On Monday after work I went to see Mom. She was sitting up in her chair and painting so I joined in the fun.  Here are our water color paintings on post cards! ok 

After the wake Rick and Faith came over for steak tip salad. Faith stayed a little while it was nice. She's getting really good grades in vet tech school. 3.97 and 4.0. She's talking about going to UNH.

Saturday after the pediatric clinic I was exhausted. I went home and went to sleep. On Sunday I was going to go see mom but we didn't know when Faith was coming so I didn't go. Then we picked up Rick Carrico and went to Kristy Butlers wake.

Here for he day as a greeter for pediatric covid vaccinations!

Roe vs Wade was overturned today. The country is going backwards. I would never get an abortion but I think it should be the woman's choice. Shane is in max. He didn't want to move pods. Said he would get off prescription they are giving him.  Colleen wants me to go to Ireland with her.i can't go for 2 weeks but I could go go 1. But I don't have money. Colleen said she would get me a ticket. We are so different. She likes everything planned. I prefer just getting lost and taking pictures. We treasure our differences and make it an adventure both ways! Plan to get lost. Rich Butlers wife Kristen died of cancer. Dave stopped by to see Rich on his way home. Dave's good like that. I went to see Mom. She was up in her broda chair again. Her oxygen wasn't in and it was hard to wake her up. I put it back in and got a nurse. I got her talking and then fed her some peaches and pears.  We talked about my little peeps and I showed her pictures of flowers that are blooming.

Shane sent me this beautiful picture he drew to color gor Mom. It will take awhile.  Dave and I also bought 4 Brahma chicks at Tractor Supply yesterday. I will get better pictures of them later as i name them. David worked all day in his farden and brought beet leavs in for me to wash . To eat. Never had those before!

I woke up around noon because i worked all night at Exeter Hospital. I went to see Mom and after a little while got out her art supplies and i painted her this rose inbthe dark room.  I made herva bouquet from the roses my garden and i tried to paint one of them. Mom said she didn't want to take pain meds all the time because she slept through dinner again last night.. I'm glad she liked the Dunkin donuts hash browns and jelly donut I brought her. 

I Went to see Mom and found her art supplies and water color cards then came home to get ready for a date.  I actually wore make up which I never do. Hair wild and curly.  We went to LA corona and asked fir Katie our waitress. We both tried different meals. The Loredo was really good but David thought too spicy. I also tried a new margarita the ultimate.  When we came home I fell asleep on the couch and got grumpy at Dave when he woke me up. I said I'd rather sleep on the couch but that's not true at all! I just didn't want to clean the clothes off the bed. Last night I also wore a necklace I made called Gift from the Sea. I found a piece of blue sea glass in Hampton with Dave and Rick and wrapped it in silver wire.

Dave used to take me on long drives to take pictures and i used to use my camera. Last night going out meant walking onto out dirt driveway and i took this super moon picture with my phone in my barefeet from the driveway.

I learned today rhere is a private investigator in Shane's case. I hope someday Shane has his freedom and a good life.

We decided to go to a Baxter Lake beach on Sunday instead of boating. Dave sat in his lawn chair and I layer on an Indian blanket. We went in the water at separate times. I went in the water and played splash and run with a little girl named Cleo who I just met. Her grandma was on her cell phone on the beach. Cleo gave me a birthday rock which I thought was very special.  Then Dave and I played scrabble. He says if I keep winning he's not going to play with me snymore.

Gizmo has grown into a handsome cat!

My daughter Faith is Bermuda bound today! Lucky duck!

In 2012 I worked as a security manager part time for the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. The guards invited me to their Christmas party. I had to leave the job because it was interfering with my job as Senior Director of Security for Harvard. I think this photo taken 10 years ago was my last photo with them.

I wrote to Michael and Shane today. I miss them both so much. Maybe thoughts of Mike came back so much because one of the things we loved to do was go to the movies. We used to do so much together. Travel. Dinners. Games. And now. We barely speak. Who knew we would ever be so far apart.

Dave and I spent the last of our money this week to see this tonight. Top movie and immediate classic! One to see again and again.

I haven't learned how to capture the story of life. To capture and audience and hold them.to combine pictures and words. Poetry and portrait. Happiness sadness and the connection between the first point of the dash and the last. But here I am working in a hospital hallway in the emergency department. Where the emergencies range from a person who drank a bottle of rubbing alcohol to 2 patients with covid. A woman who struggles to walk to bathroom. Security and nurses and doctors rushing about. It was hard to capture a picture with no one in it!

Crysta went to see Mom today. 2nd day in a row. Said she looked good. Mom called me at 10pm and wanted to know why they put her on hospice and we are leaving her there to die. She said she wants to walk again but they won't let her because she is on hospice. She also mentioned getting her hair trimmed and having silver blue braids with bangs.

I know I can't heal Mom. I can't make someone love you or not love you. I can't unite you with your family. I can't get you out of jail. I can't buy you a house or even pay for your education but I sure tried. What I CAN do is love you. Listen to you. Support you. Stay by your side. I can be your daughter your mother your sister your friend. I will do that without expectation of being loved in return. Without wavering on my loyalty. Without condition. I will do my best to make this world a better place for you by being the best me I can be. Getting up after I fall. Making mistakes and poor decisions along the way and trying to learn from them. I'm here.

Dave took me for a ride to Alton and Gilford. He asked me if I wanted to ho see crysta bit I said we could go home because my knees were getting sore. THEN crysta showed up at our house on the Rebel

I found and old shoe rack in barn and was able to wrap my climbing rose vine around it and get it off the ground

We have a robin nest with baby robins in our garage. I took this by zooming my camera but i still accidentally scared them out of the nest. I felt so bad. I was able to put one back in nest then Dave and I caught the other one. I really have to learn to leave things alone. They were so adorable though. Luckily mama came back and hopefilly no harm done!

I made popovers and a carrot cake. Then Dave got up. We ate and went to see Mom. I took her some of the carrots cake and Mexican flatulence which she loved. I painted a couple pictures that didn't amount to anything but she still loved them. That's what mothers do. We worked in the garden. Dave bought cucumbers and squash to go with beets carrots and tomatoes he already planted. I tried to weed out my raging jungle but got tired after 2 wheel barrows full. Rick Carrico came over while we were outside and invited us to steak dinner at his house which we gladly accepted. Some things never change. The top picture at our wedding has them both distracted. Then yesterday? Same thing. Rick and I have been friends since we met at the Sheriff's office like in the 80s.  We started hanging out again when I was going to buy his trailer in 2016. But then I met Dave Barker again and we ended up all living together in Farmington!

3am and I can't sleep. Mom says Grandma told her when that happened to just get up and make the time useful. So I just did the dishes. Picked up the papers Ruby took out of the trash and scattered about the floors. Got out pan for morning popovers Washed some coffee cans to ship cookies in. What are we going to do today? Its the only 06/04/22 we will ever have. Paint. Garden. Visit with Mom.Love.

I took some watercolors and brushes  mixed media paper and a metal painters tray to mom today after work. She was sleep8ng. I woke her up but she really didn't feel like painting today. Her nurse Theresa was there from Cornerstone earlier today and ordered as needed Tramadol for when she gets leg pain.  Mom and I decided to try to paint the rhododendrons I took to her when I come tomorrow. She also wants me to bring her a Flatulas. Or whatever that Mexican dish was that I made last night.

Robin Reasbeck just invited me to this. August 25 at Wheeling  Park Ice Rink 530 to midnight.

I worked last night from 11pm to 3am as a Behavioral Health Sitter for Exeter Hospiral ER. It pays pretty well but I can't do anything else when I work because I need to sleep.  It messes up my relationships but I need the money. Once I clean out garage and bring stuff from storage here it will save a lot of money! I'm the Mom so I still have adult kid stuff here too!